I love you nonetheless. I love you even more. I thank you for being the Living Water that never runs dry, that never fails to fill my thirsty soul with overflowing love.
How can it be that you, the Lord of heaven and earth desire me for your own? This reality first caused my heart to run in frustrated fear. Now I know that you are more than enough for me Jesus. I apologize now because I know I am going to run forward and back in hesitation from my soul's inability to actualize the love you offer me. Know that in my heart of hearts you are the only One for me though I tremble at times.
I've been so frustrated with your jealous heart Lord. I have looked at other beautiful loves, wondering why these were not meant for me. I have seen the look of a deep love that has only grown with time, heard the prayers of a young man whose desire was only to honor me and guard my heart with the utmost purity and have sat next to a young man who desired to love a woman who learned how to love from the heart of Mary, but I know in the deepest recesses of my soul that their longing for love found in my heart is but a fraction of how Your Most Sacred Heart hungers for my own heart. How can it be? How can it be Lord that you want me? The past weeks I have asked, why me, why me Lord? Why does it have to be me? Why can't I enter the most holy and intimate human love between man and woman? Now and still with a slow clearing in my heart I ask, why me? Why would you desire me for your own? How can He who is Love, Truth, Life, Joy, Everything, desire me? This is a profound mystery that I cannot understand. This is something my theological mind cannot grasp. If there is anything in me Lord that is lovable, that is desirable, then it has only come from You. And I see...we must give to God what is God's.
I resign O, Lord. Not in fear, or frustration but in defeat. Your love is too strong for me to fight anymore. Sometimes we need to fight just to see how much the opposing side wants to win. sometimes we need to fight God's will to see just how madly He wants to win our love.
I put up a good fight. Lord, you win.
My hands raise in prayer, holding up the white flag, along with my heart Lord.
Father, I abandon myself into your hands; do with me what you will.Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.Let only your will be done in me, and in all your creatures.
I wish no more than this, O Lord.
Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands,without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.
- Charles de Foucald
